An unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm.
Let’s face it. We all have fear. It perhaps rules everything that we do. We may choose to deny it but the fact of the matter is that all our decisions in life are governed by fear. We always say that we are governed by rational thinking and need to be practical but the truth is that our rationality is rooted in the most irrational emotion – Fear.
We work hard to become successful… whether it is at school, college or work. Why do we do that? Why do we work so hard? Because whats the alternative? Not succeeding? And who doesn’t want to.. and it is the fear of failure that we work hard… we cut corners… we bend… we hold our silence and more often than not… we kill the honest inside us…
We can choose to live in denial and thump our chest to say that “I have not done anything like this ever. No one can question me and my commitment to what I do” but let’s face it… when you are alone with yourself… don’t you think about it? That one big presentation which was going to decide many things for you… you were petrified! your exterior was all about confidence but inside you were a jelly.
Exams, Interviews, first day at school, first day at college, first day at work…that first date… first love… they all invoke fear. And it is dealt with in two ways… either we give up even before trying (at least in our heads) or we use fear as a leverage to build strength in ourselves and we succeed.
In relationships, it works differently. More often than not, it is the root cause of relationships going sour. It is also the cause for us to be in a relationship even if it is shot to hell. It is also the cause for the relationship to fall apart. Do you know what the fear is here? Fear of being alone. It is a petrifying thought. And this thought leads to the choices we make. Fear leads to selfishness. At the risk of destroying other person’s life, we choose us over them. We demand… we want the other person to prove their commitment and failure to do so is used as a reason for our future action. Most give in… most choose to live in a relationship even it makes them compromise on a lot of things… When faced with the fear of not having a relationship that meant so much, we bow down. We also bow down when we choose to be in a relationship due to what the society will think or because the commitments that arise out of that relationship are far greater than the commitment to that relationship itself. We want to be known as a good father… a good mother and tell ourselves that we have made a sacrifice (please read my post on sacrifice if that word comes to your head)
What if we chose to delete this emotion from our head. What if we decided that I am not going to live in fear of anything. What if we decided that fear of what may happen if a certain thing does not happen not govern our decision? Will we lose or will we gain? Will we live or will we die? The answer to this is not easy. I have made many choices in my life governed by fear. Have they all turned out right? I don’t think so. Not because am not successful. But because when I think about myself, when I look in the mirror that reflects my soul, it is a reflection of my face split into two images. One is unhappy and the other one is happy. Why? because the decisions which were not led by the fear of ‘what if’ created moments and memories that are worth a life time… I did not think what would happen… i just went ahead… But the decisions which were governed by fear, sure they led to the desired result but…
What is your view on fear? Oh hang on, none of the readers would comment on this. In my post yesterday, I asked people to comment… to reveal if they would want to change things in their past… not one comment. I could see people had read the post and liked but none commented. We would rather bare our lives on banal social apps like Facebook but we are afraid to let people know what we think deep inside….